thaniabites

okay you know what. i am taking 15 minutes break from my finance/math/macroeconomy study time.
i have been studying for the past hours with selly.
*sigh* i am so tired.
i feel like i am getting lazier.
getting fatter.
getting more obnoxious-er.
i have this icebox where my heart used to be.
if you know what i mean.

anyway. ahhh i feel like i been talking about love way too much.
but what else can you do when it's the only thing in your head?
in your freaking mind whenever you try to sleep.
whenever you try to study.
*double sigh*
i am not in love.
i repeat. i am not in love.

have been listening to escape the fate's version of smooth.
awesome or what.
gahh. anyway. ive been feeling like a freaking athlete for the last few months.
it's like this thing is a huge game. a humongous game.
not even a semi final. it is the freaking world cup final game.
you can either play defense the whole time, or try to attack and maybe, just maybe, you'll win the game.
BUT just maybe.

i do not want to be loved by a nice guy who pours me attention like i am the only one in the room.
i know girls will say i am crazy but this is the case.
one of the reason why i am taking actuarial is because that this is going to be challenging.
i have a habit of giving up when i fail but i am changing.
it is the same with love.
i want to be challenged.
this is crazy. maybe this is just a phase.
*sigh*

"If I don't let you get near me, you won't see my flaws and you won't reject me."

Google told me that i should:
"Open yourself up. You may not get hurt if you don't let people get close to you, but you also won't be able to love and be loved. Take a chance. Recognize your tendency to use sarcasm to push people away, and stop to think about when you feel those tendencies and why."