thaniabites

aaah valentine's day is coming!
i am date less less less less. haha
its okay, i wasn't expecting to have one. hahaha.
anyway. i think i just made the biggest mistake i've ever made haha.
but its weird cause at the time i made the mistake..
i knew that i was going to regret it later.
but i also know, if i didn't do the things that i did, i would regret even more.
i would regret not knowing what was gonna happen.
i am talking in circles.
but when the time comes... i will walk down memory lane and write what happened. haha

anywayy. final exam is coming.
will have finance on the first of february.
and then macro on the 2nd.
and then the grand finale: math on the 4th.
and then OFF TO MELBOURNE :)
i am so happy!!!!!!! cannot wait to partay! (read: eat until i suffocate)
pray for me? :)

you know what. most of us had resolution lists planned for the year.
well i have another one. its a love resolution. HAHA.
the thing is. my sister said something that was probably blatantly obvious to everyone but me.
she said i have my pride on the way. and maybe i do. maybe i do.
OKAY i really do.
so my goal this year will be to let my pride down a little bit?
and also, let myself get vulnerable? for the first time since (ever) i will do this.
i know that all this time i used to feel guilty to people.. because i never really put myself on the line like they (probably) did for me?
i will try to be better.

this whole love thing is sorta kinda new to me.
i spent the last 3 years or so closing out everyone.
uhh i dont know how to fix this thing.
i dont want him to feel like i am just gonna use him as a way out when everything else fell apart.
and times and times i told everyone, i think he needs someone better than me.
i feel like i don't deserve him.
this will be the first time i admit,
that yes, i will be sad if it turns out he already has someone else in mind.
but also very unlikely of me, i will not be mad.
because it was my decision in the first place that caused things to happened the way it did.
ill throw in some random david choi's lyrics here:
"So if I run into you with your arm by his her side Just know it'll cut me like a knife"
hahaha anyways. what will he say if i suddenly give him chocolate or something for valentine's day?
to give or not to give.

i don't know why. i guess i just don't know what i want.
i like you for the fact that you kept everything that happened between us to yourself.
i like that it was fun that nobody in the world knows what's going on.
but the fact that made me did what i did was because you didn't show it to anyone that you liked me?
AHH anyway. hahahaha *knocks on head 134932423x*