history.

okay. so high school is ending for me. this is IT. i am not even gonna be at the graduation. but i am as happy as i can be. entering high school was a girl that lacks self confidence, anger ridden, and a lot of other unimportant things.

so i thought, with another chapter being closed, i need to go out with a bang right?
and i conjured up this idea last night, you know the book, 5 people you meet in heaven? SO, i will write about the 5 people i met during high school that changed the way i perceive life.

the first person is.... a boy named X. not his real name. OBVIOUSLY. there's so many things that he had done for me, that words, simply, wouldn't do him justice. i have erased and typed again for over 5 times now. ALREADY. he made me feel like i am worthy of something. that i am capable of doing all the things that i want to do, if i want to do them. he believes in me even without asking how i am doing, because the answer just didn't matter. when you believe someone, you believe them, even when they're about to jump from a 5 stories building. OKAY MAYBE NOT. but you get the idea. most importantly, he taught me how to love. some will think "big deal. i got a puppy and he taught me how to love" but it's not like that. it is so much more. he left me heartbroken though. for 2 years! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! hahahaha. he taught me love, and heartbreak all at once. and i couldn't ask for more..

the 2nd person.. is God. Okay i know i couldn't possibly MET him. but you get the point. when i was in contact with X, i used to pray every night. BEFORE i met him, i didn't pray at all. i used to pray every night, thanking God for letting me know such a wonderful person like X. although knowing him ended up in disaster, knowing God has made my life so wonderful, wonderful. i never feel like the world is against me. this is why i toned down all the black clothes, all the nasty cursings.. because now, i don't see the need to be hateful towards the whole entire world. the world is beautiful, so why should i be NOT beautiful about it? HAHAHA.

3rd person, is my friend. I'll call her L. she has so many, countless boyfriends, that I even gave up counting them all up. *sigh* i used to moan to her about how she should stop doing that and just be single for a little while. but then I realised, maybe it's me, not her. not that i want to have countless boyfriends, it just that, what if there is a lesson to take there? After all of those boyfriends, she still has her hopes up after finding the ONE. you know, THE ONE!!! like omg. My hope is down after 1 tumble. it's like gone. poof. but she just believes that after frog number 3242458, a prince will still come and get her. To be so sure of something that is so unsure, takes a lot of courage. and i have none of that.

4th person, is my other friend, lets call him A. He has the perserverance of a drowning cow in a quicksand. Gah. He fights for the things he love, and I truly think, that he will be such a succesful person in the future. JUST LIKE ME!!! hahahahaha. he's truly one in a million, and i don't know. he just fights. i don't think he takes no for an answer. yet, he still does it in a morally accepted way, so he's not an asshole. haha. anyway..

the last person is.. myself. In the midst of heartbreaks, happiness, joy, tears, and sadness it may seem, i found the person i should be finding a long time ago. I found me. I found that i am a lot more than i gave myself credit for. I am better than i think i am. I can do all the things i want to do and MORE. i need to have control ALL OF THE TIME, and i am afraid of being heartbroken again (but who doesn't?!), i am never always black or white, i am the shady area of greys, i am my own person, and i love it. :)

gahh. my 5 persons. <3

p.s. if you like FML then you must like GMH!
http://www.givesmehope.com/

"A few months ago, I was at dinner with friends, and we ended up having an emotional talk (mostly about my self-esteem issues) and I cried for about half of dinner. When I got the receipt, the stunning waitress had written something across the top: "You're even beautiful when you cry." GMH"